Marriage Equality Opponents Want To Have Their Hate and Eat It, Too


Opponents of marriage equality are losing their battle to deny gay and lesbian people the right to marry the person they love. So now they are trying a new tactic to counter all the bad press their bigotry has earned them (emphasis is in original):

Conservatives have long claimed that they’re somehow the victim of persecution when they’re called bigots for opposing same-sex marriage, like when Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) said at CPAC, “Just because I believe states should have the right to define marriage in a traditional way does not make me a bigot.” But conservatives are adding a novel layer to this trite argument, claiming they actually very much support gay people.

San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, who recently said that gay couples can never achieve the same intimacy as straight couples, opened Tuesday’s anti-gay Marriage March rally on the National Mall with the following plea:

CORDILEONE:  I want to begin with a word to those who disagree with us on this issue and may be watching us right now: we love you, we are your neighbors, and we want to be your friends, and we want you to be happy.

Please understand that we don’t hate you, and that we are not motivated by animus or bigotry; it is not our intention to offend anyone, and if we have, I apologize; please try to listen to us fairly, and calmly, and try to understand us and our position, as we will try to do the same for you.

The problem is, it’s difficult impossible to claim that you love, support, understand, and sympathize with gays and lesbians while simultaneously arguing that gays and lesbians can never, ever, achieve complete physical and emotional intimacy the way heterosexuals can; that they can never, ever, have more than “a close loving committed emotional relationship,” that they cannot procreate or raise children (both obviously untrue). You cannot write sympathetically about ministers who “are trying very hard to persuade twenty year old gangsta wanna-bes that marriage is a great idea” (hey, why not throw in a dollop of racism with your homophobia?) and who complain that said “gangsta wannabes” will never go along with this marriage idea  if ‘the gays’ are allowed in — and then feign outrage at being told you are a bigot. Or approvingly reference Charles Cooper’s argument to the Supreme Court that even when heterosexual married couples don’t have children, as in Justice Elena Kagan’s example of a childless couple over the age of 55, “the man is likely to be fertile whether the womon [sic] is or not, and the woman has an interest in assuring his monogamy,” and object to being called homophobic (or, in this instance, that you even have a functioning brain, since the idea that a man who is still fertile is less likely to have an extramarital affair makes no sense, to say the very least).

  • rmthunter

    In Rubio’s case, the fact that he can’t give a rational basis for his opinion sort of undercuts the “not-a-bigot” mantra.

    As for Cordileone — sorry, but when your whole dogma on human sexuality is founded at least in part on disdain and contempt for gay people (“intrinsically morally disordered”? Seriously?), you’re going to have a hard time convincing me that you love me.

    This starts to look much more as though they’ve figured out that anti-gay bigotry isn’t getting a pass any more. Damage control.

  • JCtx

    It’s not so much their support for traditional marriage that is the problem, it is the fact that they are trying to force that support on others that is the problem. Supporting traditional marriage by making laws that outlaw other types of marriage is what makes them bigots. If it was just words, those words could be ignored or debated. But since they are also using the force of law to support their beliefs, that is the major problem.

  • Don M

    I’m sure you thought you were expressing an idea here. Rubio says you can. You say he can’t. That isn’t an argument. It is a competing assertion.

    It appears to me that the difference is that Rubio, and his ilk, fundamentally assert that homosexuality is a behavior, not a fixed orientation. If that assertion were correct, then his statement, and the statements of ministers, etc., would make sense: we love you, but don’t agree with certain of your behaviors. Of course the assertion isn’t true: but I’m not sure if that is so much BIGOTRY, as IGNORANCE.

    And, in terms of competing worldviews, the Rubios of the world are probably somewhat fearful of a more deterministic view of human nature, and the threat that poses to a traditional religious worldview.

    I think gay marriage should have been a done deal in the 70s, personally. However, I think the attempt to turn the politics of gay marriage into some sort of morality play is tiresome. Rubio is no different than Obama. A year ago, Obama hadn’t “evolved.” In other words, he wasn’t aware that the public opinion had shifted as dramatically as it had. Dozen of other Democrats, including the Big Dog, hadn’t evolved either. Were they bigots? Not any more than Rubio. He’s just driven by different polling. Not more principled, or less, or more a bigot, or less.

  • Stephen Wollett

    I really hate the use of Bigot whenever someone acts in a manner that is counter productive to another groups desires. The word Bigot implies a deep hatred and I do not believe that their is any hatred towards gays coming from most of the people against Gay Marriage. Just because group A does not agree with group B does not make them bigots. I hate it when I see a kid walk by with his pants down around his knees, showing off his underpants to me. Does that make me a bigot? No, it makes me opinionated. I don’t hate the person just the behavior. Most people that are against Gay anything believe that being gay is a choice. Ignorance does not make them a bigot. If you want to stop hatred then stop accusing people of it. Calling people a bigot every five fucking minutes creates more hostility and divisions than anything else you could do short of violence. The first step to fixing the problems is communication and understanding on all sides.

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